


Incoming Message

by DragonDreads (cjbage)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Crack, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjbage/pseuds/DragonDreads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard's omni tool kept ringing out "Incoming Message" every time they were out on a mission. Garrus became aggravated and Thane became curious. Just what were all these incoming messages and just who was sending them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incoming Message

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I sat down to write a chapter on one of the already posted stories... but this came out. I'm really really sorry.
> 
> Standard Disclaimer: Bioware owns all of the Mass Effect Universe, including but not limited to the recognizable characters. Any original characters are my own. There is no monetary gain from this work. All I am doing is playing around with their universe.
> 
>  
> 
> **~**
> 
>  
> 
> **\------ If you are reading this on any site other than Archiveofourown.org, please know that this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT given permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated, because you can read it for FREE on that site! See Author's notes for translation exceptions.------**

* * *

 

 

They were pinned down by gunfire from several Blue Suns mercs when once again they heard, _"Incoming Message"_ , from Shepard's omni tool.

"Damn it, Shepard. You promised. Even before you died, you promised you would stop them. You swore you had it all worked out." Garrus' growl could be heard over top the gunfire as she once again hunkered down and opened her omni tool quickly sliding her finger around the interface and tapping out something before shutting it down again to resume fighting.

"I know, Garrus. But it's been two years. I have to rebuild the relationship. They just didn't understand how I could have suddenly left without a word. I couldn't say, "sorry about bailing on you. Been dead for two years, but I'm back now."

They moved further into the base. _"Incoming Message."_

"Shepard!"

"Sorry, Garrus but I'm so far behind I have to rebuild everything. It will only take a minute."

Thane watched as she once again opened her omni tool and rapidly slide her finger or tap on the holo screen. He could tell Garrus was getting more upset by the moment at whatever she was doing and apparently had done it before. "Ok, let's move."

Several more times they heard the dreaded, _"Incoming Message"_ announcement. More than once it came at a most inopportune time and destroyed their chance at stealthily killing the enemy.

When they returned to the Normandy she hurried through changing her armor and dropped off her weapons, the message could be heard coming from her omni tool as she yelled out to head to their next destination. "I'll be unavailable for the next two hours."

She came around the corner with Thane and Garrus hot on her heels, her nose in her omni tool and her finger rapidly swooping and tapping on the tiny screen, Thane growing more curious by the second and Garrus' growls louder by the same second. As she rushed across the mess hall to grab something to eat she was too engrossed in what she was doing and wasn't watching where she was headed. Miranda stepped in front of her and was mowed down by a fast moving Shepard.

"Damn, sorry about that Miranda." She bent down to help the woman stand when, _"Incoming Message"_ , blared out again and Miranda happened to see what was on the screen of the omni tool.

"Hmm... well this is a new development." Miranda said to Shepard as she narrowed her eyes at the Commander. "Hood?"

Shepard stood straighter and dropped into her thug pose, "tier 4. Blue and Silver. Moving to T5."

Miranda crossed her arms under her breasts and stared at Shepard. "Hmfph. We'll just see about that. Tier 4, White and Yellow."

Shepard let out a snort, "should have known." The two women stared at each other some more. _"Incoming Message."_

 

* * *

 

Over the next week the crew could almost cut the tension between the two women with a knife when they met aboard ship.

Garrus had kept yelling. When he heard Miranda's own, _"Message Alert"_ , when they had been practically decimating the Nos Astra's cargo dock trying to reach the mercs that were after Miranda's sister, he let out a ferocious growl and punched one of the cargo containers, putting a huge dent in it. Both women had quickly set their omni tools to silent.

Back on the ship the crew scattered in all directions when the two of them squared off in the mess. "You're not going to make it Shepard. You've been out of the loop for two years, you're too far behind, give up now so you don't humiliate yourself and the rest of the team."

"What's wrong, Miranda? Scared? Think your piddling little group is going to get away with the lurking? Oh don't look so surprised, I know what you're up to. The lurking, the sniping. Worried that you won't be able to do it without resorting to underhanded tactics?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Shepard. We've got this in the bag and you're just making yourself look foolish."

"Bring it on, bitch."

Both women growled at each other then stormed off in opposite directions. Thane stood outside of his door wondering what he had just witnessed before blinking and turning back around to enter the Life Support room, completely forgetting for the moment why he had been heading toward the mess hall.

 

* * *

 

Three days later an announcement came over the comm from Joker. "Attention all crew members, this is your friendly neighborhood Normandy pilot, Joker. Just a quick heads up, for the next five days I recommend you steer clear of Commander Shepard and Miranda Lawson if you don't want your head ripped off and shoved out the airlock. Joker out."

The crew took his warning to heart, Mordin was seen late at night stocking up on food and rushing back to his room to get his one hour of sleep a night then getting back to work. Jacob rarely left the armory, only for food and a shower before looking around and heading for lift to go back down.

Garrus had the Main Battery door shut and locked, a small sticky note taped to it that said, CALIBRATING! DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS THE SHIP IS ON FIRE!

Legion stood in his usual spot in the AI Core, the few people that took to wandering around the ship couldn't tell if he was active or not, the flashlight head of his kept flickering and they had no idea what was going on.

Thane was using the duct work to try and find out where everyone was and what they were doing, only to find out from EDI that everyone had blocked their vents off. "Curious. EDI, why did they do that?"

"I am sorry Thane, but I am under orders to not reveal any information on the activities of the other crew at this time."

 

* * *

 

"Commander Shepard, the Illusive Man is requesting a vid call. He said it was urgent." Kelly had told her as she rushed past her heading toward the lift to go back up to the loft.

"Tell him to shove it, I know what he and that Lawson woman is up to." Shepard jammed her finger on the button just as _"Incoming Message"_   was heard from her omni tool.

 

* * *

 

During that week Joker almost pitied the mercs that they encountered during their missions. The team blew through them without any mercy then rushed back to the ship to disappear again into whatever hole they called "home".

Thane was the only one sitting in the mess hall. A note was attached to the cooler and warming unit with a list of what food was prepared and what shelf it was on. A big red one was stuck below it warning that anyone tampering with the food would be airlocked. He glanced up at the giant holo clock that was counting down on the wall and still hadn't found out what it was for, other than Joker telling him it was the countdown until things returned to normal on board and they can get back to kicking Collector ass.

Thane stood staring at the clock watching as the last several minutes ticked away and it would reach 0:00:00. He had to know exactly what was going on. Several of the crew members started to filter into the mess hall, some looking like they hadn't slept in the last 5 days, others had rumpled clothing. Several pushed and shoved as they grabbed items from the cooler, ingesting them as if they had skipped the meals provided for them.

Everyone grew quiet and moved to the edges of the room when Miranda came out of her room and moved to the center to watch the clock, a smirk on her full lips. They heard the ding of the lift doors opening and saw Shepard prowl around the corner, her lips turned up in a snarl heading straight for the dark haired woman in the tight, white cat suit.

"You won't get away with this. There is no way you pulled that off without cheating. I'll figure it out and report it." Shepard got up in her face and Miranda let out a snort.

"We didn't cheat, we're just better than your pitiful group."

Miranda couldn't dodge the fist that connected with her jaw as Shepard belted her, both women snarling and landing on the floor, fists flying and curses coming from both of them.

"What is going on here?" Thane yelled from where he was standing. Garrus had him by the arm keeping him from rushing into the fight.

Joker started to call out the countdown and the two women on the floor stopped and opened their omni tools. Thane glanced around seeing almost every other person there doing the same. When the clock flashed all 0's he heard collective groans coming from most of them. A hiss of "yes" coming from Garrus as his mandibles fluttered and he snapped his omni tool shut.

"Commander, you have an incoming call from Admiral Hackett." EDI told them and then the holo screen dropped. "Good try Shepard. Don't worry, we'll get them next time. Hackett out."

Thane looked over at Shepard and Miranda as they stood up and straightened their hair and clothing. "Hear that Miranda, we're gunning for you. I'll be more ready next year and I'll win." Miranda let out a snort.

"What is all this about?" Thane finally had enough and uncharacteristically shouted to get their attention.

They turned to him and blinked. "Uh... it was the yearly Nebula Farming Simulation tournament," Shepard scratched her head and looked at him, "how did your team do?"

"Team? Tournament? Are you telling me all this was about an online game?" Thane's eyes blinked as he voiced his incredulity at the shenanigans that had been going on the past few weeks was over a silly online game.

"Well ... yeah. I mean, it's the yearly tournament. Galactic wide, all the servers compete against each other to get to the next tier. And next year, my team The Alliance Super Ass Kickers, is going to win and get our Tier 5 level."

"I wouldn't bet on that Shepard, The Hounds of Cerberus will get that tier before you do." Miranda smirked then her lips drew into a frown, "I'm trying to figure out how we lost to that new team the Grey and Red's. Their team has very few listed server members."

"Lawson, Miranda. It was the only logical outcome. We are Geth." Legion said from where he was standing near the med bay doors. The red stripe against the grey of the N7 piece of armor he had welded to himself standing out.


End file.
